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Inspired to Lol at Bad Potter Fanfiction

Happy Thanksgiving, all you Canadian people, and for my American readers (ha like I have any readers!) Happy Columbus day!

Today I am thankful for stupidity because it makes me laugh.

Ok, almost every Potter fan has read fanfiction. And hey, some of it is even pretty good. But fanfiction is the best when it goes very, very, VERY wrong. I am inspired to share this jewel of bad fanfiction with you, because it is too good to stay in my computer forever.

Note: THIS IS NOT MY WORK, I give full credit to whomever wrote it, and admire your courage to post it for the world to see.

That being said, here it is in its unedited glory.


HI PEOPLE! This is my first sotry on here so plz be nice, mmkay? My name is Kira and im seventeen with white-blond hair and crystal blue eyes (think of the ocean in the Carribien!). im really tan from playing lots of volleyball (WOO! GO TEAM! I LUV U ALL! WE ARE GONNA RAWK NEXT WEEK!!! MANDY, UR MY MAIN GURL!!!) and i like to skateboard and rollerblade. im a real tomboy even though i have curves and long legs (and my chest is pretty well-indowed too, LOL!) but i hate wearing dresses cuz they suck!!! ANYWAY her’s my story, plzno flames cuz this is my story and if you don’t like it, scr3w you!

Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. The Sorting Ceremony had already begun, but they wanted it to be over because they were hungry. They both sighed.

“I bloody wish they would bloody hurry it bloody up!” said Ron groaned.

“Oh Ronnie-Poo, be quiet!” Hermione glared, and Ron blushed tomato. Ron and Hermione had been dating for almost a year. (A/N: OMG ARENT THEY SO MENT 4 EACH OTHER?) It was more like 11 months and 13 days, cause he was counting.

“Now that the Sorting is over,” said Dumbledore, “I have to tell you that the Sorting is not yet over!”

“Durr?” said Crab and Goyle and Malfoy smacked them with a zucchini (A/N: LOL I dunno where he got that!! Maybe the feats!)

“Anyway,” said Dumbledore, giving the three Slytherins a weird eyeball look, “I am pleased to announce that we have a new student this year!”

Murmers and rumers began to rush around the great Hall like a waterfall. Hogwarts had never had a new student before! Everyone was excited ‘cept Malfoy cause Crab was eating his zucchini (A/N: OMG! LOL! I SO didn’t mean it like that, you perverted peoples!!) and he was in a bad mood anyway cause MgGonagul had given him a bad grade in transfirgurations. (A/N: how do you spell that!)

“I bet she’s ugly and fat!” he yelled out. “Ha! Ha! Ha!”

“Now now Malfoy,” said Dumbledore, “don’t judge her until you see her. She was born in Japan but spent 1/3rds of her life in Japan, French, and America. She went to Bobatons and can speak all 3 languages! I give you all... Miss Gemini Angelykah Darkfire!”

Suddenly all the lights in the great hall went out as the doors slammed open to a crack of lightning and everyone turned to see a figure standing there in the doorway it was dark and wear a black cape. Everyone gasped.

“Omg!” gasped Hermione.

“Wicked!” gasped Ron.

“Whoa!” gasped Harry.

“Whatever!” gasped Draco.

The figure raised his hand and they saw that it was not a he, it was a she! She raised her hand and all the lights flicked back on. Harry knew this girl must be very powerful but draco still wasn’t impursed.

“Hello,” said the girl, “Watashi suis Gemini”

Harry thought there was something familiar about her but I can’t tell what. Hmm. Draco thought her voice sounds sexy.

Gemini took off her hood of her cloak and her hair fell to the floor. It was raven black like the sky at night, and her skin was pale like the moon hovering in the dark skis. Her eyes were like fire emeralds burning into the eyes of everyone she looked at. Her lips were a deep red color like blood and very full (A/N: imagine like angelina jolie’s cuz hers are pretty and I want lips like hers!) but they weren’t too big.

All the boys in the great hall’s jaw dropped. And they stared. They all wanted her cause she was so gorges. she smiled a wickedly smile.

“Hello,” she said

“Hello!” screamed Dumbledore

“can I be sorted now?” she asked, and mgonagul’s jaw dropped.

“what?” asked Gemini. “Of course I know about the sorting ceremony!”

“oh, right then,” said mg, and she put the hat on Gemini’s head who was now on the stool.

“SYLTHERIN!!” yelled the hat and draco got horny.

“dammit” said draco cause he didn’t want to be horny. but he was. horny. (A/N: LOLOLOL! OMG, I can’t belive I wrote that! I’m bulshing! Hahaehe!)



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